Real 911 calls
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
* Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
* Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
* Dispatcher: Excuse me?
* Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
* Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
* Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
* Dispatcher: 911
* Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
* Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
* Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
* Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
* Caller: No
* Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
* Caller: Running from the Police.
* Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
* Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
* Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
* Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
* Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
* Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
* Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
* Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Selasa, 18 Mei 2010
Real 911 calls
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
* Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
* Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
* Dispatcher: Excuse me?
* Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
* Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
* Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
* Dispatcher: 911
* Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
* Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
* Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
* Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
* Caller: No
* Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
* Caller: Running from the Police.
* Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
* Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
* Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
* Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
* Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
* Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
* Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
* Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
* Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
* Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
* Dispatcher: Excuse me?
* Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
* Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
* Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
* Dispatcher: 911
* Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
* Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
* Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
* Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
* Caller: No
* Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
* Caller: Running from the Police.
* Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
* Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
* Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
* Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
* Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
* Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
* Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
* Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Run
I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.
However, I must share the following:
After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.
A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.
So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !
I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.
However, I must share the following:
After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.
A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.
So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !
Technical Support
I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.
Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.
Anyway, the following call came in:
* Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?"
* Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system."
* Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?"
* Customer: "Yes, there is."
* Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?"
* Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know."
* Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day."
* Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"
* Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord."
* Tech Support: "One extra cord?"
* Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one."
At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.
* Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?"
* Customer: "On the back of the computer?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
* Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..."
I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.
* Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?"
Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case.
I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.
Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.
Anyway, the following call came in:
* Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?"
* Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system."
* Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?"
* Customer: "Yes, there is."
* Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?"
* Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know."
* Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day."
* Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"
* Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord."
* Tech Support: "One extra cord?"
* Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one."
At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.
* Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?"
* Customer: "On the back of the computer?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
* Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..."
I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.
* Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?"
Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case.
Their Sons
These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Zoo Job
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"
Radio Conversation
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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