Real 911 calls

* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
* Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
* Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
* Dispatcher: Excuse me?
* Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
* Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
* Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

* Dispatcher: 911
* Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
* Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
* Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
* Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
* Caller: No
* Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
* Caller: Running from the Police.

* Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
* Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
* Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
* Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
* Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

* Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
* Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
* Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!